Continuing the expeditions of Jeff MacNelly, James Kilpatrick, and Eugene McCarthy, with apologies.

The Emolument

Long a denizen of back alleys and bus station locker rooms, the Emolument has had a bit of a coming out in recent years. Once shunned as a career killer, the critter is now being embraced by the (perhaps foolishly) brave, as if it were just another hard luck Joe trying to get along. Perfumed in possibility, with many arms clad in a glitzy sport coat, the Emolument has a puckishly attractive smile, and iron teeth. It mates for life, with multiple partners, and in doing so leaves a permanent virus within that can remain dormant indefinitely. Indeed, it is thought that most politicos associated with one or more emolument live out their lives without presenting any symptoms of infection. However, if the symptoms do begin to surface in a carrier, reaction is swift, evidenced by an immediate dash to the offices of a criminal defense attorney, and/or a hurried staging of a press conference, at which the carrier tearfully resigns from public office and refuses questions from the invited press.

-Danny Grosso