Continuing the expeditions of Jeff MacNelly, James Kilpatrick, and Eugene McCarthy, with apologies.
The Unindicted Co-conspirator
Outside of its shadowy normal habitat, the Unindicted Co-conspirator may resemble many other denizens of the marshy District of Columbia. However, the UC is rather easily distinguishable from its neighbors in that, out of evolutionary necessity, it has developed a third eye. Swiveling around on the back of its head, the tertiary oculus allows the UC to be alert for the impending danger it always senses, especially from its traditional enemies, the Previously Undisclosed Witness, the Surprise Courtroom Testimony, and of course, the Special Counsel.
The Unindicted Co-conspirator prefers the protection of shadows in dark corners of Capitol buildings, where it can wait out its life span as that span comes to be determined by judicial proceedings or statutes of limitation. However, sometimes a UC is forced by circumstances of its own position to hide in plain sight – attending committee or cabinet meetings, or making grandiose speeches out on the hustings, all in broad daylight, where it dons the camouflage of its societal rank and makes like a regular VIP. Under these conditions, if combined with with a strategic comb-over to disguise its distinguishing feature, a UC is hard for the layman to spot. Yet, there are reliable, identifying traits that transcend costumery. Look for a paranoiac, defensive posture on social media, a hyper-anxiety regarding breaking news TV banners, and an open and obvious avoidance of any contact with a related species – Indicted Co-conspirators, (IC’s).